02/13/2015

So it appears I may be losing friends in the condo where I live due to taking the extremist route against the indoor smoking since I've literally run out of options.  I've been fighting this issue for a few months already (perhaps close to two years if you include the last neighbor) & this neighbor has proven much worse than the last one (or at least her company has)...  The response I got from my friend when she commented about my last step to put a stop to it was that she didn't want to be included in it, so I'm not going to push it & hope it's not a full loss of friendship to come back to in the future; I literally only have 4 people (2 units of 2 people each) that I can actually call close friends here that haven't backstabbed me or screwed me over (the last statement referring to the two neighbors who turned out to be smoking inside after I attempted to help them as new tenants), seems I may be down to only 2 now...

I'm nobody...  I attempt to help people only to have my hospitality taken advantage of & those people care about nobody but themselves (referring mainly to the two neighbors that happened to be indoor smokers, but also to the many people over my lifetime that have also taken advantage of these openings where I try to help them or have trusted them)...  If people do not appreciate your kindness, what are you?  Even the volunteer jobs I had, I rarely got any real recognition for it, the only exceptions being Trakulan when I volunteered as a Computer Technician at the LAN centers & they hosted one of their events there (was surprised that they even dubbed an award after me), the other would have been the 5 years I volunteered on the Xfire Support forums, which eventually landed me a job (which was highly unlikely to begin with; the only reason why I was able to accomplish this was I trained myself in coding game support for new games if only for personal XIG use by gaining an understanding of the configuration files, then learning through trial & error).

For the friends you have, cherish them, don't do something stupid that is going to make you lose them when you have few to begin with.  I'm taking my chances in this indoor smoking situation looking for a resolution, now I'm paying for my extremist nature which is unfortunately a fallback when everything else fails...  I can only hope that they see fit to accept me back into their lives when this is all said & done with, but for now, all I can do is wait & fight the hopeless battle myself with more casualties & losses as I go...

As I write this I can't help but cry...  I have had to step away from this message several times to regain my composure only to come back & start again.  My latest attempt to stop the indoor smoking is perhaps my final attempt to stop it, as it could mean the end of me.  At least if I don't get any benefit from it in what remains of my lifetime, those who remain in the building will.  This is my gift to them if I don't survive this, I can only hope they forgive my actions in the future & see the purpose behind it when it's all said & done with, otherwise all my time, research & effort in working to get this stopped will be in vain...

Originally posted to Facebook 2/13/2015